Happy Birthday

Happy birthday, my brother!

Today you would be 32 years old. If you were here, I would make you a carrot cake, of course. My children know you through my stories of a dark-haired mischievous boy with a wicked sense of humor and a love for the natural world. I sometimes see flashes of you in my children: Sarai has your love for the outdoors along with your "not-knowing-when-to-stop" issue. Brigham has your eyes. And almost all of my children are short.

It has been 13 years, and sometimes I worry. I worry that my memories of you will fade or be distorted since you can't correct me. Here are some few (that perhaps others will correct as needed). I remember when David drew your name for Christmas and gave you fish hooks. The look on your face was priceless--a sort of sad irony. I remember when you went out on the lake with Ray, and blistered the backs of your legs so badly you couldn't move for three days. I remember feeling smug when Helene was born and I got a sister instead of the brother that you and Luke were both cheering for. I remember playing in Grandma Sweetman's sawdust heap with you with all sorts of little bowls and cups--I think you must have played with little cars and trucks, though. I remember your first goatee--strawberry blond, which surprised us since your hair was so dark. I remember that you would come and steal little pinches of dough whenever I was cooking, and later you became something of a "master chef" in your own right. You were always so creative, so adventurous, so funny. You were also often frustrating, irritating, and sort of like a runaway train.

One thing I don't worry about: where you are now. My first memory is of the altar in the Idaho Falls temple. I remember seeing myself and a little blond boy (Luke) in the eternity mirrors. There must have been a round-bellied Mom in the mirror, too, since you were born a month later. ( I probably had to look up too far to see Mom and Dad. That's probably why I don't have their image in my memory. Maybe if I thought hard enough, I could remember their knees.) I have felt such a sense of peace since you passed on, knowing that you are a member of our eternal family, and that Heavenly Father loves you and knows better than I your worth and the work that you need to do. I have felt that you are at peace, and that you are working hard, sharing the gospel with those near and dear to us.

I love you and I miss you, dear boy.