Mona Charen (whom I generally like) wrote an article for National Review about marriage (do read it.) She said that we are having the wrong marriage debate: focusing on the case against gay marriage instead of the huge problem with unmarried pregnancy. Here's her closing argument:
Young women, especially poorly educated ones, have gotten the idea that marriage is all about them — about their romantic hopes. In fact, while marriage often does deliver on the promise of happiness for adults, it is only secondarily about adult happiness. It is primarily about safety and security for children. The old stigma against illegitimacy was harsh and led to its own kind of suffering. But it prevented narcissistic young people from impairing the lives of their children on a grand scale.
While I agree with what she had to say, in comparing the two issues surrounding marriage, she misses that they both have the same root cause: a definition of marriage rooted in adult happiness. If marriage is primarily about adult happiness, or a vision of romantic love, we end up with all of the problems we have today: high rates of divorce, high rates of illegitimacy, and confusion as to the nature of parties involved in marriage. In fact, if marriage were primarily about adult happiness, Henry VIII wouldn't have needed an executioner on retainer to sever the heads of his inconvenient wives and their near relations.
Romantic love is a Good Thing. It does not make, however, a stable foundation for marriage. Because in marriage come things like varicose veins and childbirth and toothpaste in the sink, which are not romantic and not particularly happy. Marriage, in its highest sense, is a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. God is essential because He's the only one who's likely to fully keep the covenant: the other two parties will strive in different degrees, but because of our very human nature, we fall short of perfectly keeping the covenant. In its most elemental sense, marriage is a contract between two people and society. A marriage system built on adult happiness asks, "What can society do for me? Where are my benefits?" A marriage system built on the interdependency of generations asks instead, "What can I do for my society? How can I contribute?" And that, as someone once said, makes all the difference.
